You guys, I am cracking up as I write this. I think this is going to be my favorite post yet because today’s recipe is THAT ridiculous. I’m laughing just thinking about it and I hope you all will laugh at me too!!! Anyway…

Happy Halloweek everyone!!! Since Halloween is a Wednesday this year, we get a whole week to celebrate. This is a college student’s dream come true!!

So this week I get to do something that I’ve been really excited to try: making a Monster Recipe!! Here’s a little background: In Breath of the Wild, you can visit this super creepy monster dude that will sell you special items. His name is Kilton, and he can be found right outside any major town at night.

I could go on for a while about how unsettling this dude is, but I’ll spare you all. He sells one particular item that we care about for this recipe: Monster Extract! Monster Extract is an item that you can buy to add to regular recipes to make them ~spooky~, like Monster Curry or Monster Stew. Using this Extract in recipes will also randomly reward the dish with extra hearts to restore your in-game health, or extend an effect that a dish has, such as cold resistance or increased speed. It only costs 9 mon which is really cheap too! Mon is the currency you use to purchase items from Kilton, and you receive mon by trading in monster parts that you have collected from defeating monsters.

I picked up some Monster Extract from Kilton and decided to make some Monster Cake!! Can you get any more Halloween than that??? I was really excited to make this recipe, because it looked super fun and it fit the theme so perfectly. The in-game recipe calls for the extract, sugar, wheat, and butter, which is pretty much exactly what I needed to make it in real life. The only things I had to add were eggs and some vanilla extract.

I used a really basic cake recipe that I found in a cook book we have at my house that was very easy to prepare. It did come out to look a lot different than cake batter usually is, so I was a little suspicious, but I figured it would be fine. All the batter consisted of was a mix of flour, baking powder, and salt that you fold into beaten eggs with vanilla extract. 

I may have had a LITTLE trouble separating the eggs yolks from the egg whites, which MAY have resulted in the egg whites not fluffing up like they were supposed to, which POTENTIALLY could be a big problem later on……

Anyway, you literally just have to beat all the ingredients together. That’s it. Then pour it into the cake pan. Doesn’t get much easier than that! OH but I almost forgot the food coloring. In the game, the cake is purple, so I had to go for authenticity. I used red and purple food coloring to dye the batter purple, but it kind of backfired because the yellow from the egg yolks reacted terribly with food coloring, so I got this weird brownish/purpley color that looked pretty terrible. My best friend said it looked like “toxic sludge”. I’m really glad I get so much support.

At this point, I now have a very soupy cake batter that is also the color of…I don’t even know. But it definitely doesn’t look appetizing. BUT, I hold out hope and am optimistic as I put it into a 350 degree preheated oven for about 30-35 minutes.

*Pro tip – if you are baking cupcakes or cakes, you can tell if they are finished cooking by inserting a toothpick into the middle! If it comes out clean, it’s finished.*

I was kinda turned off by the color, but I thought it would be fine. Right? WRONG. WRONG AS USUAL. People, when I tell you what this cake looked like when it came out of the oven…it was horrible. I t had completely bubbled up, so now it just looked like a weird brownish pancake with large growths on it. Tragic. The bubbles sunk down very quickly, and then I was left with this:

At this point, I’m just cracking up. I don’t even know what this is. This is not a cake. This is like a really large sausage patty or a slab of meatloaf or something. It looked HORRIBLE. There was no squishiness like how a cake normally is, NOPE. Not at all. It was completely done cooking too, so it wasn’t like there was anything I could do about it. I don’t even know where everything started to go down hill. It was probably when I completely smashed an egg in my hand and had to pick out all the stupid shells from the batter.

I figured I would just try to ice it and try (key word here: TRY) to make it look a little bit like a normal cake. I whipped up a quick bath of buttercream frosting, which is just powdered sugar, softened butter, and milk. Super easy, and I was able to make the icing purple at least! I made little monster horns out of paper cones, which actually came out pretty terrible too but at this point, WHATEVER. Anything would help this glorified sausage patty.

You guys, this might be the worst thing I’ve ever made. I’m really still laughing about it. What is this????? This could not possibly look any further from a cake.

I made my mom and boyfriend try it, and they were clearly not impressed (side note: we were at my family’s annual Halloween party, that’s why they’re in costumes). Not only did this “cake” look terrible, nut it also tasted terrible as well. Well, I guess on Halloween, you can’t always get treats, you have to get some tricks too. I definitely did.

I hope you all enjoyed my failure as much I did, because I really keep thinking about this stupid cake and just cracking up. Even though it was a fail, it gave my family and I a good laugh, and it made for an… interesting addition to our dessert menu tonight. Monster Cake is definitely scratched off the recipe list.

Thank you as always for reading!! Have a great Halloweek, stay safe, and stay spooky!!!